Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Feedback Sandwich: Disappearing from a Menu near You


The feedback sandwich, a staple of the workplace and writers' groups, has fallen out of favor. Even Human Resources people, who foisted it on us in the first place, diss it now. The problem is, once a person develops a taste for the feedback sandwich, the open-faced variety or, worse, a slab of mystery meat on a plate, doesn't satisfy.
Ooh, shiny mailbox!
Remember the recipe for a feedback sandwich? A supervisor, co-worker, or critique partner delivers criticism by sandwiching it between two positive comments. A writer might hear the following from critique partner: "You write believable characters. I wish you'd give those characters something to do besides guzzle coffee and think about the big mistake they made long ago. Hey, good job conveying a sense of place in a sentence or two."
If you're like me, you brace yourself for bad news as soon as you hear a compliment. Maybe you're a skeptic and consider the praise nothing more than a delivery system for the criticism. Maybe you think a nice comment about your silver ballet flats has nothing whatsoever to do with your ability to craft a compelling press release about the city's recycling program.
The feedback sandwich may be hard to swallow at first, but I contend it causes less indigestion later.
After the fact, isn't it nice to take a break from stewing about the criticism and recall the words of praise even if you're not 100 percent sure they were sincere? Wow! I may not contribute a thing at team meetings, but I'm always prompt and work past quitting time without complaint.
Go on, make fun of the praise sandwich. You, too, will miss it if it goes the way of the dinosaur.
Last week, I opened a letter from my homeowners' association and was surprised by its one and only message: Paint your mailbox.
Wha-a-at?
I read the thing three times looking for a snippet of praise for my roses-for-dummies (Knock-Outs) that bloomed lushly or the pot by the front gate planted with a thriller (a tall grass), a filler (cora vinca), and a spiller (potato vine). Did the HOA notice the society garlic I planted where I lost an agapanthus to drought? 
No, no, and no.
Sunday morning, I painted my mailbox. I began the task grudgingly, but at some point between the initial sanding and the final stroke with black semi-gloss, I let go of my resentment. My roses deserve a shiny mailbox.
Thanks, HOA for the work you do to make sure our neighborhood looks nice.  Don't be afraid to point out what people are doing right and praise it since a focus-on-the-negative approach often backfires. Hey, nice letterhead!
A person whose biggest problem is a letter from the HOA about her mailbox is lucky, indeed. Here, the Pioneer Woman, Oklahoma-based blogger and cookbook author Ree Drummond, lists ways to help the tornado victims in Moore and Oklahoma City. 

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Pat,

I'm the Vice-President of a HOA. A few weeks ago, in the Real Estate section (Sunday) of the NY Times there was an article about how difficult it is to be an officer of a HOA. I'll try to find the link for you. I agree that sometimes the Boards of HOA's do issue stupid directives. BTW, your home looks beautiful.

I think the feeback "sandwich" is a way of delivering criticism without completely destroying a person - so it's not entirely bad. There are people, especially managers and literary critics who love to destroy people with their barbs - but hopefully they are in the minority.

Personally I prefer the country turkey on French bread at Paneras when it comes to sandwiches (do they have Paneras in Houston?).

- Patrick

aroseisarose said...

Ha!I remember an episode of some TV show--one of the characters tells another that the best way to break up with a girl is to use the compliment sandwich. It's TV, so it backfires on him, of course.

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Patrick,
I know serving on the HOA board is a thankless task. My husband did it and was SO relieved when his term expired. I appreciate what you and other HOA board members do.

I wish the letter had been constructed differently. It was sent by a professional management company and could have been worded better. That said, my mailbox is shiny now..

Like everybody else, I make fun of the feedback sandwich, but a person can take heart from encouraging words. I always opened with praise when correcting students' essays. It was sincere, so why not? I like to catch people doing something right.

Yes, Houston has Panera. Shoot, now I'm hungry.

Enjoy the holiday weekend! Hold off until next weekend to send out letters telling people to paint their mailboxes. Oh, and can you remind them to pick up after their dogs? Thanks!

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Amy,
I was surprised to learn the feedback sandwich is also known as the criticism sandwich and the compliment sandwich. In that way, it has a lot in common with the hoagie, sub, hero sandwich.

Have a good weekend!

Jennette Marie Powell said...

Heh, sounds like the letters people get from the city in my neighborhood. I do try to give a compliment along with critique, tbough not necessarily a sandwich. Although there are a couple houses near me where it's hard to see the pretty flowers behind the overgrown lawn or too many parked cars that don't run. Have a great holiday weekend!

Liz Flaherty said...

Never having developed a think skin (although said skin is developing MANY wrinkles), I will always appreciate a feedback sandwich, and I'll always serve one, too. I'm not sure I'm actually doing anyone any favors, but I'd a lot rather soft-pedal than discourage anyone.

Liz Flaherty said...

Oh, by the way, I meant THICK skin. I've never developed great typing skills, either...

Lark Howard said...

Having grown up with nothing but harsh criticism, I quite like a couple of compliments cushioning the delivery--sincere or not.

Have a lovely weekend, Pat!

Coleen Patrick said...

I didn't know it was called the Feedback sandwich. I remember years ago someone giving me this advice as a way to talk to my kids. Turns out after awhile they get wise to it too. Then start bracing for the criticism. Funny how that works. :) Hope you're having a great weekend, Pat!!

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Jennette,
Has your daughter's graduation come and gone? Yoo hoo for her!



Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Liz,
Scientists somewhere are working to develop skin capable of thought, even if it's only, Hmm, I seem to require sunscreen.

I like a crusty feedback sandwich. At the time of delivery it may confuse me, but in the wee hours of the morning, I comfort myself with the knowledge I'm punctual or whatever the compliment was.

My typos are far worse than yours. Wanna bet?

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Look at you now, Lark. Succeess is the best revenge.

You are smart, talented, quick-witted, and fun to be around. I feel sorry for the people who didn't see those qualities in you.

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

It was a terrific weekend, Coleen. I owe it a feedback sandwich.

Lynette M. Burrows said...

Pat, Thank you for sharing this post. Yes, sometimes one braces oneself for the negative in the sandwich. But I think the positive feedback is important. Too many times, we forget to praise when praise is due.

I try to use the feedback sandwich when I give a crit on someone's manuscript. But if a person is reeling because they thought their manuscript was perfection, I don't think they hear the positives, sincere or otherwise.

Glad you had a good weekend.

Lynette M. Burrows said...

Pat, Thank you for sharing this post. Yes, sometimes one braces oneself for the negative in the sandwich. But I think the positive feedback is important. Too many times, we forget to praise when praise is due.

I try to use the feedback sandwich when I give a crit on someone's manuscript. But if a person is reeling because they thought their manuscript was perfection, I don't think they hear the positives, sincere or otherwise.

Glad you had a good weekend.