Wednesday, May 23, 2012

WRITER IN THE FAMILY


Roger Rosenblatt began a recent article in the New York Times with an anecdote about going to speak to his granddaughter’s class and being introduced like this: “This is my grandfather, Boppo. He lives in the basement and does nothing.” Actually he and his wife live in on the lower level of his son-in-law’s house and he’s a writer.
 As a writer still working toward publication, I find it comforting that even seasoned authors are still viewed by family and friends as only vaguely employed. Even harried romance writer friends writing on short-deadline contracts for multiple lines still get called on to volunteer at their children’s school, their church, the neighborhood because they’re seen as housewives with lots of free time. 
In the article Rosenblatt talks about the quirks of most writers—how we live in a world of our own making with imaginary people which can be very hard on family life. Naturally we’re often distracted and immersed in our own realities, or rather the heads and lives of the characters we create. We delight in finding worse case scenarios to challenge our heroines and torture out heroes because we understand that conflict and tension are what make a story exciting.
 Romance writers have the added mission to weave a satisfying love story and in the process we become our heroines and fall in love with our heroes. To tell their story we need to live it scene by scene with every action, thought, speech going down on the page. I’ve heard Susan Elizabeth Phillips say, “Some days I just take dictation.” Those are the days writing is a joy. They’re also the days re-entry into self and real life is the most disorienting. And that’s when it helps if your spouse and family understand that coming out of the zone is like awakening from a deep, vivid dream. Or nightmare. 
My husband has never read any of my work and yet he’s become a brilliant brainstorming partner. Over many conversations, he’s gotten to know my characters and the world they live in. He’s cooked dinner for my writer friends and sat quietly absorbing our concerns, ideas, frustrations and victories. He’s learned not to take my distracted conversations as disinterest in him or to have his feelings hurt by my affection for my deeply flawed, larger-than-life alpha-heroes. And he buys a good Bordeaux to ease the sting of rejection or celebrate a victory. Yeah, we writers are an odd lot, misunderstood by friends, family and strangers we meet. Like Roger Rosenblatt, I’m happy with this writing life and wouldn’t choose any other. Okay, maybe I’d switch places with Angelina Jolie. Just for a little while.

13 comments:

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

How I love this post, Lark! Maybe we should use "boppo" as the code word for writerly angst. You nailed the good times and bad.

It's great that your husband listens, brainstorms, and buys great Bordeaux for the boppo moments--and the victories.

Jane Myers Perrine said...

What a great husband! And post! Thanks.

Lark Howard said...

Thanks for dropping by, Jane. Aren't we lucky to have some many writer friends who understand when family may not!

Lark Howard said...

Yup, the DH is a keeper, Pat. BTW, love your new pic. Let's get it up on the Blog page!

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

I don't know how to get the new pic on the blog, Lark. (Head bowed in shame.)

LynNerdKelley said...

Ah, yes, we can relate to this post so well, Lark. Your hubby sounds awesome.

Pat, that's a great idea, to use "boppo" as our code word, not only for writerly angst but for those times when our family members unknowingly disappoint us. *sigh* And you know what's weird? I get that same feeling at times from my writer friends who are reluctant to jump into social media. They think I'm wasting my time. They don't understand how I enjoy it, how I become invested in my online friends. I think they're missing out on a whole wide world of awesomeness. So I'm hereby adopting the code word "boppo." Love it!

Kay Hudson said...

Lark's not kidding -- her husband cooks a heck of a good dinner.

Marsha Musselman said...

Great post. My husband and I are both aspiring writers. I blog and write articles and he's written his first novel which I'm preparing with help for publication while he's working on book number two.

We can't wait for the book to do well so we can prove to my mother that things are looking up.

Sarah Andre said...

Where can I get that shirt?!!!

I'm still tapped to drop everything and do something for a busy DH, but not like when I began writing novels. The first time I let him read an entire m/s was a watershed moment--he handed it back with an expression of mild shock and dawning respect.

That more than anything made him realize writing a compelling story was a "work" of art, it was something he (brilliant chemical engineer)would never be able to pull off and it could be a way for him to retire and for me to be the breadwinner.

Didn't have the heart to tell him that most of us will remain starving artists. Relying on my novels (if they're ever published) to survive will quickly land us on the street corner with an "I'll Write an RS for Food" sign.

Seriously, I must have that shirt!

Lark Howard said...

Lynn, use the code word with our blessing!

Try not to be too frustrated with your social-media-resistant friends. Some of us just can't commit to another online time-suck.

Lark Howard said...

We have to do dinner again soon, Kay!

Lark Howard said...

Good luck to you and your husband, Marsha. There's nothing like success to show your mother you're a "real writer"!!

Lark Howard said...

Sarah, you can get the shirt here: http://www.zazzle.com/writer_at_work_really_tshirt-235137228409774765

I know how proud your DH is of you! Since my husband doesn't read my work, it wasn't until I signed with an agent that he realized I was seriously pursuing a writing career. (The 3 completed manuscripts didn't register, I guess). The ah-ha! moment comes at different points for everyone.