Friday, April 10, 2015

The Fine Print

I own multiple readers. Got a problem with that?

Me, I think Bush misplaced his reading glasses.

Reading glasses are all too easy to misplace. Those of us over forty put them on to peer at the computer screen, skim a newspaper article, or read a text message, then take them off to talk to a colleague across the room or across the building, and forget where we left them. People my age buy non-prescription multiples at the drugstore, Costco, or Sam’s and squirrel them away for peace of mind. No matter what happens: natural disaster or zombie apocalypse, we’ll be able to read the small print.

Jeb Bush’s identity may not have fused with his wife’s, but I bet he’s borrowed her readers. Ever been at a restaurant and seen one pair of reading glasses shared by a table full of middle-aged diners?

Unfortunately, Bush won't be able to borrow his wife’s reading glasses for much longer since everything about the appearance of presidential hopefuls is scrutinized. That scrutiny will keep him from wearing readers on a lanyard, tucking them into a pocket protector or hooking them over the neck of a tee shirt. If he peers at people over them, he risks looking professorial—a turn-off for some voters; if he attempts to read the printed page without them, he’ll either appear cross or cross-eyed.

Some eye doctors advise patients who are both near- and far-sighted to wear one contact lens to correct myopia and the other to correct presbyopia. Bifocals without lines or progressive glasses are another possibility, but I have no clue whether these options fit Jeb Bush’s situation.

I own several readers, and if Jeb ever has to fill out forms in my vicinity, I’ll lend him a pair. If you see me squinting at small print because I've misplaced my magnification, I hope you'll let me borrow yours.

Your turn. Do you wear readers or do you consider 10-point type easy on the eyes? If you use readers, how many times a day do you misplace them?


Liz Flaherty said...

I wear readers and have them all over the house, the office, and in the glove boxes of both cars. I wore glasses for 30-some years (until Lasik--yay!) and it was such a thrill for me to be able to use $5.00 (or less) glasses and have a gazillion of them as opposed to the one multi-hundred-dollar pair I never liked after I got them but had to wear for at least a year.

My husband also uses readers, but the strengths are way different, so if I put his on, it blurs my world dramatically. Sometimes maybe this is a good thing.

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Liz,

A blurred world IS good sometimes, but not when we have forms to fill out.

Congrats on the Lasik and on the gazillion readers. I bet you have great colors and shapes. Some days I like purple readers, and some days I like black.

Jennette Marie Powell said...

This had me LOL - all so true! I carry readers in my purse. And have them all over the house, in my sewing box, and with my Android tablet. My husband got Lasik last month, and now he needs them too. And yes, he borrows mine when we're out, not having picked up the habit of bringing them. I never lose them, as long as I have my contacts or my other glasses!

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Jennette,
See that! Real men borrow their wives' readers, even when those readers are pastel and/or sparkly.

How does your husband like his post-Lasik vision?

Lark Howard said...

LOL. I've worn readers for a while and have some lovely French ones--okay 3 pairs of them--that I can't do without. And like you, I also have a ton of cheapies stashed all over my house and in my bags.

I was amused when my husband--who will turn 50 in June--finally broke down and bought a couple pairs of my French faves in Bon Marche in January--apparently his ego could handle chic and useful in that setting.

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Readers as souvenirs! What a great idea, Lark. French readers would be ideal. I can picture an array of colors and shapes.

Your husband knows a good thing when he sees it.

coleen patrick said...

So far I have a pair in the family room, bedroom and in my purse. But just this morning I needed to fix the hem on my pants and realized for the first time, I need my glasses next to the sewing machine as well. So there's that. I do like that I can find fun colors and patterns for the glasses.:)

Patricia Rickrode w/a Jansen Schmidt said...

Oh Pat, I've been basically blind since 3rd grade when my teacher told me I had to stay after class and then called my mom in. I was shaking in my boots; I had no idea what I'd do to warrant such punishment.

You see, I had been getting all of the answers wrong on my math problems, which she'd written on the blackboard (yes we still used blackboards back then). It seems that I was doing the math correctly, but I was copying the problems down wrong. My very observant teacher would ask me to compute a few problems verbally, and I got them all correct. That's when she called my mom. She knew I was not dumb, I just couldn't see.

And so began my love/hate relationship with glasses. I became a nerd, a four-eyes, all of those horrible things that kids used to get called before wearing glasses was considered cool. As soon as possible, I coerced my parents into getting me contacts. I told them I was being bullied (I'm sure they did NOT buy that, but they got me the contacts anyway when I was 13.)

About 10 years ago I had to get one contact for distance and one for close-up, but about a year ago, I started have vision problems with that version too. Now I wear bifocal contacts in each eye (so basically I have quadfocals) but I still sometimes need reading glasses.

Getting old sucks.

So, I don't know what old Jeb's story is, but this is mine and I'm sticking to it, especially since it's the truth.

I hope you're doing well, Pat.

Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Coleen,
I agree. The fun colors and patterns make it almost painless to need reading glasses.

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Patricia/Jansen.

Compared to you, I have an itty-bitty, princess problem, and I promise not to moan or groan when I have to search for my misplaced readers.

Kudos to your third-grade teacher for recognizing the problem. I wish, though, she'd confided her worry to you instead of making you wait in suspense until your mother showed up.

Not only do I remember chalkboards, I used them as a teacher.

Anonymous said...

Hi Pat,

I can't read with glasses on since I'm near-sighted and I take them off whenever I have to read something which means I've lost about 30 pairs of glasses in my life.

Don't remember you wearing glasses - I guess the reading glasses come with aging - in my case the reverse happened!

- Patrick

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Patrick,

It's harder to need glasses some of the time rather than all the time. Sorry to hear about all the pairs you lost. Don't you wonder what's become of them?

Karen McFarland said...

Goodness yes, I've been wearing readers for longer than I'd like to say. lol. Mostly when I wear my contacts. They are set for distance, so in order to read with them in, I have to use readers. Love your story Pat. I am quite sure that's the story Jeb would give if asked. Makes perfect sense to me. :)

Pat O'Dea Rosen said...

Hi, Karen,
I have the bad feeling I'll use the "I misplaced my readers" excuse for real--and often.

It's always good to "see" you, Karen.